You know the title is actually misreading. These mutterings make complete sense. Still it's a deep title. Deep like a well.
***
I'm now 21. That's just crazy. I have inhabited this planet for twenty-one of our 'Earth' years. I have seen countless things, met countless people, done countless things. It already feels like I've lived a full life and I can look back and see good times as well as bad times but you know what? There haven't been bad times for quite some time and that's important. Anyone who can look back on their life and see more good times than bad should consider themselves lucky. Even despite my parents' recent divorce and us moving life is still pretty good right now. The important thing is to remain positive. I'm actually quite happy with how my life is going right now. It's in a transitionary phase. I'm developing skills. And I have plans. Feasible plans, possible plans. Plans for the future. I can't do them now because I'm still in the transitionary phase. It's called University. It's a good phase to be in. It's simple. Not quite in the 'real world'. I'm nearly in the 'real world', but thankfully I've made plans.
I realize I just rambled a bit.
The point is that in the long years that I've lived here I feel like I've learned many things. I consider myself a well educated young man who nearly has two degrees to his name. And one of the most important things I've learned is also one of the simplest: the world is a very beautifal place. Even this small island that I call home is full of life. If you look around, you can see trees, plants, flowers, all of them growing around you. Even look at the architecture that we have created. Humanity rose from the oceans to become capable of higher thought. We built great structures that have survived thousands of years. The world is eternal, these structures are ancient. And everywhere you go the world is covered in the entire spectrum of colors. I've seen beauty in the setting sun of summer and beauty while watching the winter snow fall in the light of a single streetlamp. Beautiful.
The world is beautiful. Life is beautiful. There is pain, and tragedy, and sadness in life but more imporantly there is love, and happiness, and friendship. It's just hard to remember the good parts of life when the bad parts seem to take over. I suppose that's one of my flaws: I'm a permanent optimist. I believe things will work out in the end but I also believe that I can help make it so things will work out, I believe we can all help to make it so things will work out and we should. Even little things help. Small things. Because you've got to have hope. Hope for the future. Hope for the best. Because if you give up hope then what's the point? Of anything?
***
I like try and look at the world through rose-tinted glasses. It makes the world simpler, makes life simpler. But I realize that sometimes it might make me seem simple, oblivious, naive. And I suppose that might be true to a certain extent. Still I think that it's important for someone you know to be like that because that way there'll always be someone there to try and cheer you up, someone who will try and be there for you. Even when their cheeful optimism seems insufferably annoying it's still important to have someone with that outlook on life. Otherwise, you'll just be surrounded by doom and gloom.
***
I want to enjoy this summer more. I've always tried to stay inside as much as I could these past years but this year I want to get out more. I want to go for hikes, and runs, and camping trips, and swimming at the river. I want to enjoy life more. I want to have some great memories of this summer. I've already got some good ones. On May 16th I had my birthday party. Myself, Jordan, Kylan, Crowder, and Alex Brennan went rock climbing and then we went to Mrs. Richies where I ordered the MOUNTAIN BURGER. That's a giant god damn burger. Wasn't even able to finish half of the burger(didn't touch the fries). Then Alex split and we went to Jordan's place and guess who showed up? Biff! That's right buddy boy Biff is back in town. We had great times, great times. Great memories.
***
I plan on expanding my skills over the summer. I can now sing, Crowder's going to teach me to play the guitar, and I'm going to take dance lessons. Might start boxing as well.
Well I think I'm all caught up now.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Looking Back
All around me the people laugh
While I'm stuck here throwing ones
Each new roll brings back old memories
Past thoughts of what I have done
Old successes pat me on the back
While old failures sneer in my face
Old friends come back to greet me
As old enemies insult me with bad grace
I think of things I could have done
I think of things I never did
I think of every regret that still weighs me
Because fear left me rigid
And the phantoms all just pass me by
Not stopping to give any care
And I'm still stuck at this table
Stuck in this prison called a chair
And I'm up while the dawn is breaking
Even though my heart is aching
I should be drinking a toast to absent friends
Instead of these comedians
While I'm stuck here throwing ones
Each new roll brings back old memories
Past thoughts of what I have done
Old successes pat me on the back
While old failures sneer in my face
Old friends come back to greet me
As old enemies insult me with bad grace
I think of things I could have done
I think of things I never did
I think of every regret that still weighs me
Because fear left me rigid
And the phantoms all just pass me by
Not stopping to give any care
And I'm still stuck at this table
Stuck in this prison called a chair
And I'm up while the dawn is breaking
Even though my heart is aching
I should be drinking a toast to absent friends
Instead of these comedians
Saturday, February 14, 2009
It Sucks For Everyone
You know we mainly feel sorry for the Jewish people because of the genocide in WWII but you know there have been people who have had it much worse. Due to the effects of the Great Famine in Ireland roughly 4-6 Million people either died or left Ireland. The Irish population at the time was about or nine million so they lost about half of their population. And everyone hated the Irish man. At some points in history it was worse to be Irish than Black. Especially in England. They've fucked with the Irish for centuries man. Or what about the Indians. Sure the Jews lost a lot of people but they got a country out of it. The Indians were decimated and had their country, and culture taken from them. They were literally invaded and conquered. The Brits tried to get rid of the Gaelic(Irish) culture but we managed to keep hold of it probably because the Brits didn't care about the rural areas of Ireland where most of the stories came from too much. Also if you want to think of something more recent there's the Rwandan Genocide. Roughly one million people were killed but these people weren't gassed or shot. No these people were hacked to death by Machetes. Lovely. Anyways I guess I'm just saying that there are plenty of people who have had it rough.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Words without Thought
This is going to be a long post. I've been meaning to write something for awhile.
I'm watching Shakespeare in Love right now. It's one of my favorite movies and I'm not afraid to say that. I especially like it at the end when Shakespeare starts writing 'Twelfth Night' because I always think 'I was in that and it was awesome'. Just thought I'd mention that.
* * *
I smoke too much weed now. I do. I smoke pretty much everyday sometimes at multiple times. I've been going to classes high for crying out loud and I've never done that before. I'm addicted but at least I know it. I'm going to try and cut down and it's going to be a son of a bitch to do. Still going to do it though....eventually. For a wise man once said "Do or do not. There is no try."
* * *
You know I'm guessing that right now there aren't a lot of people who believed that I was serious about becoming a vigilante. I don't blame you. There are some people in this world that you could envision being a vigilante and I'm in all probability not on of these people. But I am serious. It's going to take a lot of time and a lot of money but I'm still going to do it. First step is getting a good paying job. With the extra money I can take martial arts lessons. That's the first step right there. After all you've got to start somewhere. Lifting weights and working out at the gym will give me strength and martial arts training will give me the skill I need to use that strength.
* * *
I think one of the hardest things for me to learn, one of things that bothers me the most, is that there are things in this world that I can't change, that there are some problems I can't fix. There are some things that, no matter how much I wish I could, I can't make better and it's not that I'm not willing to help it's just it's something that's beyond my control or understanding. There are some problems that people are not going to want help with or talk about. And I've got to accept that no matter how much it may suck because I don't like to see people I care about suffering.
Still I do the best I can. I'm always ready to listen, to give advice(only when it's wanted), I try not to pry, I'm always willing to offer a shoulder to cry on. I'm always willing to help however I can.
* * *
You know I think I have a self-esteem problem. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself. I need to hear someone else to compliment me to really believe that I'm good at something. I also have a sort of need to be accepted, to be liked by everyone. I'm constantly worrying about what other people think of me and I always feel like I'm absolute shit every time I hear someone say something negative about me. But I'd like to think that I'm good at some things. Singing. Writing. Acting. But I also have this constant horrible fear that eventually everyone's going to realize what an untalented fuck up I am and that'll be it. There are times when I just feel like a screw-up, like I can't do anything right, that I'm a dumb, ugly, schmuck. I've been depressed and even suicidal.
Part of the problem might be that I have an actual mental condition. I'm serious. It's called Asperger's Syndrome and it's an actual condition. It's kind of a form of high functioning autism
and people who have it like order and consistency(like I do) and they have a slight problem socially interacting with other people(in other words awkwardness). Ever since I was a kid it's always been up in the air if I had it because we haven't gotten it tested yet. Might try and do that in the near future.
I know people don't like to hear some of these things but it's the truth and if there's one thing you can say about me it's that I'm honest. I'm loyal. I'm kind. I'm empathetic. I'm intelligent. I'm caring. I'm in relatively good shape. I'm funny. Well at least I'd like to think that people would say this about me. These are aspects about me that I like to think exist.
Either way I feel better. See even though I feel all this horrible shit I still try to remain optimistic. I bet that if I could get a year of just constant positive reinforcement I could be right as rain.
* * *
I need to apologize. I do. You may not think I need to apologize nor may you care about this but I feel like I need to apologize. I'm sorry for not becoming the friend I could have been. I've known you for roughly the last three years and until recently we were a pretty constant part of each other's lives but we were always acquaintances. We were friends but distant ones. I never bothered to learn anything about you or hang out with you. When we did hang out it was always in a group and I would pretty much mentally shuffle you to the side or put you in the background. I kind of meant to try and get to know you better but I kept on putting it off. And now it's pretty much too late. So, even though you may not care, I'm sorry for not becoming a good friend because you can never have too many good friends.
* * *
I can be a difficult friend to have sometimes. I can. It's ironic since I want everyone to like me. There are times when I can be grouchy, touchy, even downright nasty. There are some things that just make me see red sometimes though. Some things that I have a real trouble with just laughing off. First off is jokes about my family(i.e. mom jokes). I'm touchy about my family probably because so much bad shit has happened to it: Dad's dead, Grandad's dead, one Grandma's dead the other's dying(she's died and been brought back five times. Five times!), got an Uncle dying of cancer, and of course my stepdad left us. So I'm touchy about my family and when people make jokes about them. Another thing I'm touchy about is ginger jokes. Because, let's face it, it's racism. You can say that it's not about someone's skin but that's a bullshit excuse. You're discriminating against someone because of the way they look. If that's not racism I don't what is. Now I know me complaining about racism is ironic. I've made racist jokes in the past. I say racist shit when I'm hanging out with friends. But I've always tried to say about people who weren't there so they wouldn't get offended. I've probably not succeeded and I realize that may sound like a flimsy excuse but there's still a difference there in my mind. I'm not racist nor am I trying to be actively racist to anyone. For a while now I've been even trying to stop saying racist stuff and even a long time I stopped saying racist stuff outside of the quad pod so I wouldn't offend someone. But the point is that when I'm hanging out with my friends and people start tossing around ginger jokes I'm the only red haired person there. It's no longer joking about a non-present 'other' now you're talking shit about me specifically. And that hurts sometimes. So I'm touchy about ginger jokes.
You know I have trouble trusting what my best friends tell me? I do. See what happened is that for the longest time I was the butt of the jokes. I was. Don't try to deny it. Sure you can say that you played jokes on each other as well but the majority of stuff was done to me. I was lied to the most. I was lied to a lot. Saying less that a minute later that it's just a joke and that you're fucking with me doesn't change the fact that you still lied to me. You abused and betrayed my trust. A lot. Pretty much at least once every time we hung out. And it made me feel like a gullible idiot and I got angry at myself for constantly falling for every single joke that you pulled on me even when I tried not to believe you. And eventually I managed to actually stop believing anything out of the ordinary that you told me but I need to ease up now. I've become too suspicious. That's why I didn't believe Jordan when he told me that he and Jill had broken up. I thought that the guys were just fucking with me again. And you know I don't like that. I don't like not being able to trust/actually trust what my best friends tell me. Because they're my best friends. I want to be able to believe what they tell me. But you get fucked around with enough and you eventually get tired of it.
Still I love you guys and I'm going to try and learn to trust more.
I'm watching Shakespeare in Love right now. It's one of my favorite movies and I'm not afraid to say that. I especially like it at the end when Shakespeare starts writing 'Twelfth Night' because I always think 'I was in that and it was awesome'. Just thought I'd mention that.
* * *
I smoke too much weed now. I do. I smoke pretty much everyday sometimes at multiple times. I've been going to classes high for crying out loud and I've never done that before. I'm addicted but at least I know it. I'm going to try and cut down and it's going to be a son of a bitch to do. Still going to do it though....eventually. For a wise man once said "Do or do not. There is no try."
* * *
You know I'm guessing that right now there aren't a lot of people who believed that I was serious about becoming a vigilante. I don't blame you. There are some people in this world that you could envision being a vigilante and I'm in all probability not on of these people. But I am serious. It's going to take a lot of time and a lot of money but I'm still going to do it. First step is getting a good paying job. With the extra money I can take martial arts lessons. That's the first step right there. After all you've got to start somewhere. Lifting weights and working out at the gym will give me strength and martial arts training will give me the skill I need to use that strength.
* * *
I think one of the hardest things for me to learn, one of things that bothers me the most, is that there are things in this world that I can't change, that there are some problems I can't fix. There are some things that, no matter how much I wish I could, I can't make better and it's not that I'm not willing to help it's just it's something that's beyond my control or understanding. There are some problems that people are not going to want help with or talk about. And I've got to accept that no matter how much it may suck because I don't like to see people I care about suffering.
Still I do the best I can. I'm always ready to listen, to give advice(only when it's wanted), I try not to pry, I'm always willing to offer a shoulder to cry on. I'm always willing to help however I can.
* * *
You know I think I have a self-esteem problem. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself. I need to hear someone else to compliment me to really believe that I'm good at something. I also have a sort of need to be accepted, to be liked by everyone. I'm constantly worrying about what other people think of me and I always feel like I'm absolute shit every time I hear someone say something negative about me. But I'd like to think that I'm good at some things. Singing. Writing. Acting. But I also have this constant horrible fear that eventually everyone's going to realize what an untalented fuck up I am and that'll be it. There are times when I just feel like a screw-up, like I can't do anything right, that I'm a dumb, ugly, schmuck. I've been depressed and even suicidal.
Part of the problem might be that I have an actual mental condition. I'm serious. It's called Asperger's Syndrome and it's an actual condition. It's kind of a form of high functioning autism
and people who have it like order and consistency(like I do) and they have a slight problem socially interacting with other people(in other words awkwardness). Ever since I was a kid it's always been up in the air if I had it because we haven't gotten it tested yet. Might try and do that in the near future.
I know people don't like to hear some of these things but it's the truth and if there's one thing you can say about me it's that I'm honest. I'm loyal. I'm kind. I'm empathetic. I'm intelligent. I'm caring. I'm in relatively good shape. I'm funny. Well at least I'd like to think that people would say this about me. These are aspects about me that I like to think exist.
Either way I feel better. See even though I feel all this horrible shit I still try to remain optimistic. I bet that if I could get a year of just constant positive reinforcement I could be right as rain.
* * *
I need to apologize. I do. You may not think I need to apologize nor may you care about this but I feel like I need to apologize. I'm sorry for not becoming the friend I could have been. I've known you for roughly the last three years and until recently we were a pretty constant part of each other's lives but we were always acquaintances. We were friends but distant ones. I never bothered to learn anything about you or hang out with you. When we did hang out it was always in a group and I would pretty much mentally shuffle you to the side or put you in the background. I kind of meant to try and get to know you better but I kept on putting it off. And now it's pretty much too late. So, even though you may not care, I'm sorry for not becoming a good friend because you can never have too many good friends.
* * *
I can be a difficult friend to have sometimes. I can. It's ironic since I want everyone to like me. There are times when I can be grouchy, touchy, even downright nasty. There are some things that just make me see red sometimes though. Some things that I have a real trouble with just laughing off. First off is jokes about my family(i.e. mom jokes). I'm touchy about my family probably because so much bad shit has happened to it: Dad's dead, Grandad's dead, one Grandma's dead the other's dying(she's died and been brought back five times. Five times!), got an Uncle dying of cancer, and of course my stepdad left us. So I'm touchy about my family and when people make jokes about them. Another thing I'm touchy about is ginger jokes. Because, let's face it, it's racism. You can say that it's not about someone's skin but that's a bullshit excuse. You're discriminating against someone because of the way they look. If that's not racism I don't what is. Now I know me complaining about racism is ironic. I've made racist jokes in the past. I say racist shit when I'm hanging out with friends. But I've always tried to say about people who weren't there so they wouldn't get offended. I've probably not succeeded and I realize that may sound like a flimsy excuse but there's still a difference there in my mind. I'm not racist nor am I trying to be actively racist to anyone. For a while now I've been even trying to stop saying racist stuff and even a long time I stopped saying racist stuff outside of the quad pod so I wouldn't offend someone. But the point is that when I'm hanging out with my friends and people start tossing around ginger jokes I'm the only red haired person there. It's no longer joking about a non-present 'other' now you're talking shit about me specifically. And that hurts sometimes. So I'm touchy about ginger jokes.
You know I have trouble trusting what my best friends tell me? I do. See what happened is that for the longest time I was the butt of the jokes. I was. Don't try to deny it. Sure you can say that you played jokes on each other as well but the majority of stuff was done to me. I was lied to the most. I was lied to a lot. Saying less that a minute later that it's just a joke and that you're fucking with me doesn't change the fact that you still lied to me. You abused and betrayed my trust. A lot. Pretty much at least once every time we hung out. And it made me feel like a gullible idiot and I got angry at myself for constantly falling for every single joke that you pulled on me even when I tried not to believe you. And eventually I managed to actually stop believing anything out of the ordinary that you told me but I need to ease up now. I've become too suspicious. That's why I didn't believe Jordan when he told me that he and Jill had broken up. I thought that the guys were just fucking with me again. And you know I don't like that. I don't like not being able to trust/actually trust what my best friends tell me. Because they're my best friends. I want to be able to believe what they tell me. But you get fucked around with enough and you eventually get tired of it.
Still I love you guys and I'm going to try and learn to trust more.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
A Little Advice
Remember this motto. It's a good rule to live by.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!!"
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!!"
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A wise person once said "Be careful what you wish for since it might come true." Today I realized just how true that was. Always wished that we would get more snow and now we have. Never thought about repercussions until I went driving today. Driving in today's snow has got to be one of the most scary things I've ever done in my entire life. You can laugh at that if you want I don't really care. All I know is that I'm really lucky that I made it home today(suffered minimal damage. While going up Departure Bay hill a guy lost traction and slid into my front and broke the right blinker light. Didn't get his info because I didn't find out it was broken until later). There were times when I wasn't certain. I was afraid I'd have to leave the van and hoof it home. However, thankfully I was able to make it home, van and all, and now I'm not going to drive for awhile.
Believe in me 'cause I don't believe in anything
and I, I want to be someone to believe, to believe, to believe,yeah
I think one of my biggest faults is that I'm too empathetic. Now usually something like that would probably sound...I don't know arrogant or something like that. Well maybe not arrogant. Can't think of the word. Anyways while saying that would usually be...something anyone who really knows me would probably agree. I can't stand to see anyone or anything suffer even if it's in a game or another fictional setting. This has, of course, led to many jokes and ribbing at my expense but I've learned to take them in stride. I just can't stand to see people getting hurt in any way because when I see someone else in pain I automatically make it my pain and want to fix it. It's so bad that I have trouble watching movies where people suffer(Blood Diamond, Shake Hands with the Devil, usually any Holocaust movie). Seeing those people suffer makes my blood boil and I lose faith in humanity.
I recently saw Blood Diamond and Shake Hands with the Devil. Both movies take place in Africa and both movies have people being oppressed and brutalized. In both movies I saw people killed, mutilated, tortured....not raped though at least I'm pretty certain not. Rape still happened though. Shake Hands deals specifically with the Rwandan massacre that took place in 1994(see also Hotel Rwanda). Between 800,000-one million people were killed in 1994. That's probably most of the island. And barely anybody did anything. Nobody cared. While these people were being murdered mighty America was fixated on O.J. Simpson. They could have stopped the massacre and created order with just 2,000 marines and you know what they did instead? Got all of their people out of their and left the country to burn. In fact they helped pour gasoline on the fire. The UN mandate forbids intervening in the internal politics of a foreign country unless genocide is being commited. The powers that be made it so that the massacre wasn't classified as genocide. Nobody protested this. Nobody did anything because nobody cared. Except for a noble few. Except for those who stayed to bear witness to what the rest of the world turned a blind eye to. These people, these Canadians decided to stay. We had no food, no weapons, and no support but we stayed because we had the courage to stay. We helped thousands of people survive because we had the courage to stand, alone against what was happening. We alone have the right to say that we tried to help.
I watched this and I was disgusted. Disgusted, saddened and angered. And when I watched both of these movies I couldn't help but think "And we're not supposed to think of these people as savages?". Because this is still happening. You can't say that it's all in the past because it's still happening. Right at this very second. While I'm writing this and while you are reading it the same thing is happening only in different countries(and in some cases the same). People are still being butchered, still being mutilated, still being raped. All of this is happening right now. Nothing's changed. Why? Because of money, because of red tape, because of government bullshit. Innocent people, not factions, not religious groups, not tribes, innocent people are being killed because nobody cares.
I care.
"How many lives can be saved in a fight against indifference when your only weapon is the courage to stand alone?"
And then I saw another movie. A movie that made me think. It's called The Hunting Party. In it a journalist team manage to find a UN wanted war criminal in just two days after the various world governments have been looking for him for five years. You know what the kicker is? It's based off of a true story. Now I doubt that they actually found him but it still made me think. How succesfull would someone be if they weren't being held back by governments or money or whatever? What if someone went and actually looked for these people and brought them to justice? Why can't I be that person? I want to be an actor. If, God willing, I make it big I will have millions of dollars to spend. Millions of dollars. You hear every day about 10 million dollar homes, about celebrities having a dozen cars, hell Johnny Depp bought his own caribbean island and Guy Ritchie just got 92 million from his divorce with Madonna. They waste this money. With that money I will turn myself into someone who will put the fear of God back into the war criminals. You probably think I'm crazy. You probably think I'm joking or will probably forget about this in a few months. You're wrong. I now know my purpose. I will use my millions for training, for weapons, for whatever documents I need and I will, I WILL find these people and with one bullet I will bring them to justice. Because that's what justice is for these people. There will be no million dollar lawyers to help get them off the hook, no judges or politicians to bribe, no governments to help them. Because there is no court for these people. There's just me and a bullet with their name on it. Because that's justice. Because there is a difference between what's legal and illegal and what's right and wrong. Because to kill the devil I am willing to go down to his level. Because the ends justifies the means.
"The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous."
Just because I'm a normal person right now doesn't mean that my purpose in this world has to be ordinary. It can be extraordinary.
"Violence can be used for good."
Believe in me 'cause I don't believe in anything
and I, I want to be someone to believe, to believe, to believe,yeah
I think one of my biggest faults is that I'm too empathetic. Now usually something like that would probably sound...I don't know arrogant or something like that. Well maybe not arrogant. Can't think of the word. Anyways while saying that would usually be...something anyone who really knows me would probably agree. I can't stand to see anyone or anything suffer even if it's in a game or another fictional setting. This has, of course, led to many jokes and ribbing at my expense but I've learned to take them in stride. I just can't stand to see people getting hurt in any way because when I see someone else in pain I automatically make it my pain and want to fix it. It's so bad that I have trouble watching movies where people suffer(Blood Diamond, Shake Hands with the Devil, usually any Holocaust movie). Seeing those people suffer makes my blood boil and I lose faith in humanity.
I recently saw Blood Diamond and Shake Hands with the Devil. Both movies take place in Africa and both movies have people being oppressed and brutalized. In both movies I saw people killed, mutilated, tortured....not raped though at least I'm pretty certain not. Rape still happened though. Shake Hands deals specifically with the Rwandan massacre that took place in 1994(see also Hotel Rwanda). Between 800,000-one million people were killed in 1994. That's probably most of the island. And barely anybody did anything. Nobody cared. While these people were being murdered mighty America was fixated on O.J. Simpson. They could have stopped the massacre and created order with just 2,000 marines and you know what they did instead? Got all of their people out of their and left the country to burn. In fact they helped pour gasoline on the fire. The UN mandate forbids intervening in the internal politics of a foreign country unless genocide is being commited. The powers that be made it so that the massacre wasn't classified as genocide. Nobody protested this. Nobody did anything because nobody cared. Except for a noble few. Except for those who stayed to bear witness to what the rest of the world turned a blind eye to. These people, these Canadians decided to stay. We had no food, no weapons, and no support but we stayed because we had the courage to stay. We helped thousands of people survive because we had the courage to stand, alone against what was happening. We alone have the right to say that we tried to help.
I watched this and I was disgusted. Disgusted, saddened and angered. And when I watched both of these movies I couldn't help but think "And we're not supposed to think of these people as savages?". Because this is still happening. You can't say that it's all in the past because it's still happening. Right at this very second. While I'm writing this and while you are reading it the same thing is happening only in different countries(and in some cases the same). People are still being butchered, still being mutilated, still being raped. All of this is happening right now. Nothing's changed. Why? Because of money, because of red tape, because of government bullshit. Innocent people, not factions, not religious groups, not tribes, innocent people are being killed because nobody cares.
I care.
"How many lives can be saved in a fight against indifference when your only weapon is the courage to stand alone?"
And then I saw another movie. A movie that made me think. It's called The Hunting Party. In it a journalist team manage to find a UN wanted war criminal in just two days after the various world governments have been looking for him for five years. You know what the kicker is? It's based off of a true story. Now I doubt that they actually found him but it still made me think. How succesfull would someone be if they weren't being held back by governments or money or whatever? What if someone went and actually looked for these people and brought them to justice? Why can't I be that person? I want to be an actor. If, God willing, I make it big I will have millions of dollars to spend. Millions of dollars. You hear every day about 10 million dollar homes, about celebrities having a dozen cars, hell Johnny Depp bought his own caribbean island and Guy Ritchie just got 92 million from his divorce with Madonna. They waste this money. With that money I will turn myself into someone who will put the fear of God back into the war criminals. You probably think I'm crazy. You probably think I'm joking or will probably forget about this in a few months. You're wrong. I now know my purpose. I will use my millions for training, for weapons, for whatever documents I need and I will, I WILL find these people and with one bullet I will bring them to justice. Because that's what justice is for these people. There will be no million dollar lawyers to help get them off the hook, no judges or politicians to bribe, no governments to help them. Because there is no court for these people. There's just me and a bullet with their name on it. Because that's justice. Because there is a difference between what's legal and illegal and what's right and wrong. Because to kill the devil I am willing to go down to his level. Because the ends justifies the means.
"The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous."
Just because I'm a normal person right now doesn't mean that my purpose in this world has to be ordinary. It can be extraordinary.
"Violence can be used for good."
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