Remember this motto. It's a good rule to live by.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!!"
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A wise person once said "Be careful what you wish for since it might come true." Today I realized just how true that was. Always wished that we would get more snow and now we have. Never thought about repercussions until I went driving today. Driving in today's snow has got to be one of the most scary things I've ever done in my entire life. You can laugh at that if you want I don't really care. All I know is that I'm really lucky that I made it home today(suffered minimal damage. While going up Departure Bay hill a guy lost traction and slid into my front and broke the right blinker light. Didn't get his info because I didn't find out it was broken until later). There were times when I wasn't certain. I was afraid I'd have to leave the van and hoof it home. However, thankfully I was able to make it home, van and all, and now I'm not going to drive for awhile.
Believe in me 'cause I don't believe in anything
and I, I want to be someone to believe, to believe, to believe,yeah
I think one of my biggest faults is that I'm too empathetic. Now usually something like that would probably sound...I don't know arrogant or something like that. Well maybe not arrogant. Can't think of the word. Anyways while saying that would usually be...something anyone who really knows me would probably agree. I can't stand to see anyone or anything suffer even if it's in a game or another fictional setting. This has, of course, led to many jokes and ribbing at my expense but I've learned to take them in stride. I just can't stand to see people getting hurt in any way because when I see someone else in pain I automatically make it my pain and want to fix it. It's so bad that I have trouble watching movies where people suffer(Blood Diamond, Shake Hands with the Devil, usually any Holocaust movie). Seeing those people suffer makes my blood boil and I lose faith in humanity.
I recently saw Blood Diamond and Shake Hands with the Devil. Both movies take place in Africa and both movies have people being oppressed and brutalized. In both movies I saw people killed, mutilated, tortured....not raped though at least I'm pretty certain not. Rape still happened though. Shake Hands deals specifically with the Rwandan massacre that took place in 1994(see also Hotel Rwanda). Between 800,000-one million people were killed in 1994. That's probably most of the island. And barely anybody did anything. Nobody cared. While these people were being murdered mighty America was fixated on O.J. Simpson. They could have stopped the massacre and created order with just 2,000 marines and you know what they did instead? Got all of their people out of their and left the country to burn. In fact they helped pour gasoline on the fire. The UN mandate forbids intervening in the internal politics of a foreign country unless genocide is being commited. The powers that be made it so that the massacre wasn't classified as genocide. Nobody protested this. Nobody did anything because nobody cared. Except for a noble few. Except for those who stayed to bear witness to what the rest of the world turned a blind eye to. These people, these Canadians decided to stay. We had no food, no weapons, and no support but we stayed because we had the courage to stay. We helped thousands of people survive because we had the courage to stand, alone against what was happening. We alone have the right to say that we tried to help.
I watched this and I was disgusted. Disgusted, saddened and angered. And when I watched both of these movies I couldn't help but think "And we're not supposed to think of these people as savages?". Because this is still happening. You can't say that it's all in the past because it's still happening. Right at this very second. While I'm writing this and while you are reading it the same thing is happening only in different countries(and in some cases the same). People are still being butchered, still being mutilated, still being raped. All of this is happening right now. Nothing's changed. Why? Because of money, because of red tape, because of government bullshit. Innocent people, not factions, not religious groups, not tribes, innocent people are being killed because nobody cares.
I care.
"How many lives can be saved in a fight against indifference when your only weapon is the courage to stand alone?"
And then I saw another movie. A movie that made me think. It's called The Hunting Party. In it a journalist team manage to find a UN wanted war criminal in just two days after the various world governments have been looking for him for five years. You know what the kicker is? It's based off of a true story. Now I doubt that they actually found him but it still made me think. How succesfull would someone be if they weren't being held back by governments or money or whatever? What if someone went and actually looked for these people and brought them to justice? Why can't I be that person? I want to be an actor. If, God willing, I make it big I will have millions of dollars to spend. Millions of dollars. You hear every day about 10 million dollar homes, about celebrities having a dozen cars, hell Johnny Depp bought his own caribbean island and Guy Ritchie just got 92 million from his divorce with Madonna. They waste this money. With that money I will turn myself into someone who will put the fear of God back into the war criminals. You probably think I'm crazy. You probably think I'm joking or will probably forget about this in a few months. You're wrong. I now know my purpose. I will use my millions for training, for weapons, for whatever documents I need and I will, I WILL find these people and with one bullet I will bring them to justice. Because that's what justice is for these people. There will be no million dollar lawyers to help get them off the hook, no judges or politicians to bribe, no governments to help them. Because there is no court for these people. There's just me and a bullet with their name on it. Because that's justice. Because there is a difference between what's legal and illegal and what's right and wrong. Because to kill the devil I am willing to go down to his level. Because the ends justifies the means.
"The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous."
Just because I'm a normal person right now doesn't mean that my purpose in this world has to be ordinary. It can be extraordinary.
"Violence can be used for good."
Believe in me 'cause I don't believe in anything
and I, I want to be someone to believe, to believe, to believe,yeah
I think one of my biggest faults is that I'm too empathetic. Now usually something like that would probably sound...I don't know arrogant or something like that. Well maybe not arrogant. Can't think of the word. Anyways while saying that would usually be...something anyone who really knows me would probably agree. I can't stand to see anyone or anything suffer even if it's in a game or another fictional setting. This has, of course, led to many jokes and ribbing at my expense but I've learned to take them in stride. I just can't stand to see people getting hurt in any way because when I see someone else in pain I automatically make it my pain and want to fix it. It's so bad that I have trouble watching movies where people suffer(Blood Diamond, Shake Hands with the Devil, usually any Holocaust movie). Seeing those people suffer makes my blood boil and I lose faith in humanity.
I recently saw Blood Diamond and Shake Hands with the Devil. Both movies take place in Africa and both movies have people being oppressed and brutalized. In both movies I saw people killed, mutilated, tortured....not raped though at least I'm pretty certain not. Rape still happened though. Shake Hands deals specifically with the Rwandan massacre that took place in 1994(see also Hotel Rwanda). Between 800,000-one million people were killed in 1994. That's probably most of the island. And barely anybody did anything. Nobody cared. While these people were being murdered mighty America was fixated on O.J. Simpson. They could have stopped the massacre and created order with just 2,000 marines and you know what they did instead? Got all of their people out of their and left the country to burn. In fact they helped pour gasoline on the fire. The UN mandate forbids intervening in the internal politics of a foreign country unless genocide is being commited. The powers that be made it so that the massacre wasn't classified as genocide. Nobody protested this. Nobody did anything because nobody cared. Except for a noble few. Except for those who stayed to bear witness to what the rest of the world turned a blind eye to. These people, these Canadians decided to stay. We had no food, no weapons, and no support but we stayed because we had the courage to stay. We helped thousands of people survive because we had the courage to stand, alone against what was happening. We alone have the right to say that we tried to help.
I watched this and I was disgusted. Disgusted, saddened and angered. And when I watched both of these movies I couldn't help but think "And we're not supposed to think of these people as savages?". Because this is still happening. You can't say that it's all in the past because it's still happening. Right at this very second. While I'm writing this and while you are reading it the same thing is happening only in different countries(and in some cases the same). People are still being butchered, still being mutilated, still being raped. All of this is happening right now. Nothing's changed. Why? Because of money, because of red tape, because of government bullshit. Innocent people, not factions, not religious groups, not tribes, innocent people are being killed because nobody cares.
I care.
"How many lives can be saved in a fight against indifference when your only weapon is the courage to stand alone?"
And then I saw another movie. A movie that made me think. It's called The Hunting Party. In it a journalist team manage to find a UN wanted war criminal in just two days after the various world governments have been looking for him for five years. You know what the kicker is? It's based off of a true story. Now I doubt that they actually found him but it still made me think. How succesfull would someone be if they weren't being held back by governments or money or whatever? What if someone went and actually looked for these people and brought them to justice? Why can't I be that person? I want to be an actor. If, God willing, I make it big I will have millions of dollars to spend. Millions of dollars. You hear every day about 10 million dollar homes, about celebrities having a dozen cars, hell Johnny Depp bought his own caribbean island and Guy Ritchie just got 92 million from his divorce with Madonna. They waste this money. With that money I will turn myself into someone who will put the fear of God back into the war criminals. You probably think I'm crazy. You probably think I'm joking or will probably forget about this in a few months. You're wrong. I now know my purpose. I will use my millions for training, for weapons, for whatever documents I need and I will, I WILL find these people and with one bullet I will bring them to justice. Because that's what justice is for these people. There will be no million dollar lawyers to help get them off the hook, no judges or politicians to bribe, no governments to help them. Because there is no court for these people. There's just me and a bullet with their name on it. Because that's justice. Because there is a difference between what's legal and illegal and what's right and wrong. Because to kill the devil I am willing to go down to his level. Because the ends justifies the means.
"The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous."
Just because I'm a normal person right now doesn't mean that my purpose in this world has to be ordinary. It can be extraordinary.
"Violence can be used for good."
Saturday, December 6, 2008
The Nose Knows
I now have a nose.
Strange thing to say really it but in actuality I've only been able to say for nearly two weeks. Before that I had a damaged nose. Apparently when I was really little, probably before I was four, I tripped, fell, smashed my nose on a fireplace(don't remember whose fireplace it was) and the damn thing never set properly. We didn't realize that it was actually screwed up until much later in my life. For the longest time we thought that my nose didn't work properly because I was allergic to something. Turns out I'm actually allergic to nothing, something I'm very happy about. Still didn't know what was wrong until I was about 12 when we finally found out. The reason my nose was screwed up was because it was physically screwed up. Both nasal passages were completely blocked. So I went in for surgery and had my adenoids(don't ask me what those are because I have no clue) taken out. Then, once those were out of the way we were able to find out that my nose still didn't work because the nasal passages were still blocked off by cartilage which had collapsed wake back in the days of yore. Then they told me I'd have to wait until I was fully grown before they could do anything.
Fast forward to 18 years old I'm now grown enough for them to do something and I find out that because of the complexity of the surgery, both doctors that worked on me are going to use it in lectures, I'd probably have to wait another two years for paperwork to go through and a date picked out for the both the doctors that would be working on me: one doctor was a ear, nose, and throat specialist and the other was a plastic surgeon. So we fast forward two years to 20 years old and I find out that the wait's nearly over, the date's set: November 25th 2008. Was I nervous? Not until about a month before the surgery and even then only because the doctors kept telling me of how complicated the surgery was going to be. They gave me a 75% chance of success, pretty good for anything but considering it was my face we were talking about I would have preferred something higher. Anyways the day of the surgery comes(very early in the morning too. Surgery started at 8:00AM and I had to be at the hospital by 7:00AM), after an extremely stressful previous week dedicated to finishing school work(I was able to pull it off as well) I go in to the hospital, got changed into the hospital patient outfit(feeling very self-conscious because they didn't give me pant...didn't ask why). Anyways afterwards they put on a bed and wheeled me to the room that the surgery was going to happen in but I had to wait for a bit because they were still prepping it. While I waited the anesthetist put the tube into my arm(they used a needle. I hate needles) and finally I go in, they move me onto the operating table, everything gets hooked up, and goodnight.
Eventually I wake up exhausted at around three in the afternoon, still groggy from the drugs. I remember feeling warm and sort of sick but that soon went away when they replaced my IV fluid. Anyways I waited in recovery until about 4:30PM when I went to a house that a friend of the family was letting us(me and my mom) borrow while I recovered. I then proceeded to spend the little bit recovering from my surgery while on Codeine(personally would have preferred something like Vicodine) and antibiotics with a big splint on my nose and a ton of stitches and bandages(pretty much I was either a mummy or a messed up super-villain). Oh and you know how you've heard that having an itch under your cast will drive you nuts...well it will. Trust me, I know. Anyways we moved back into our house last Thursday because...well we had to. Someone broke into our garage and stole my grandma's and great grandma's jewelry(I'd like to see them try that when we have the hedge with barbed wire wrapped through it, gate, and security lights up) and we realized someone needs to start staying at the house. I now have the splint and some of the stitches removed though I still have a few in my head which should dissolve eventually pretty much taking it as easy as I can now while the renovating continues. The house should be finished by next week and then I can start staying in my room(though the upstairs suite that I'm staying in is really nice).
But the point is(wow you can actually just skip nearly everything I just wrote) I now have nose. It's a good nose too. It's changed the way I look(especially my profile) and the way I breathe/smell. Don't know if it's changed the way I sound. However, apparently it's not going to be 100% until a year from now because that's how long it'll take the swelling to disappear. But I'm now back on my feet and nearly back to 100% just as soon as the rest of the stitches disappear.
I think that's it....yeah that's it.
Strange thing to say really it but in actuality I've only been able to say for nearly two weeks. Before that I had a damaged nose. Apparently when I was really little, probably before I was four, I tripped, fell, smashed my nose on a fireplace(don't remember whose fireplace it was) and the damn thing never set properly. We didn't realize that it was actually screwed up until much later in my life. For the longest time we thought that my nose didn't work properly because I was allergic to something. Turns out I'm actually allergic to nothing, something I'm very happy about. Still didn't know what was wrong until I was about 12 when we finally found out. The reason my nose was screwed up was because it was physically screwed up. Both nasal passages were completely blocked. So I went in for surgery and had my adenoids(don't ask me what those are because I have no clue) taken out. Then, once those were out of the way we were able to find out that my nose still didn't work because the nasal passages were still blocked off by cartilage which had collapsed wake back in the days of yore. Then they told me I'd have to wait until I was fully grown before they could do anything.
Fast forward to 18 years old I'm now grown enough for them to do something and I find out that because of the complexity of the surgery, both doctors that worked on me are going to use it in lectures, I'd probably have to wait another two years for paperwork to go through and a date picked out for the both the doctors that would be working on me: one doctor was a ear, nose, and throat specialist and the other was a plastic surgeon. So we fast forward two years to 20 years old and I find out that the wait's nearly over, the date's set: November 25th 2008. Was I nervous? Not until about a month before the surgery and even then only because the doctors kept telling me of how complicated the surgery was going to be. They gave me a 75% chance of success, pretty good for anything but considering it was my face we were talking about I would have preferred something higher. Anyways the day of the surgery comes(very early in the morning too. Surgery started at 8:00AM and I had to be at the hospital by 7:00AM), after an extremely stressful previous week dedicated to finishing school work(I was able to pull it off as well) I go in to the hospital, got changed into the hospital patient outfit(feeling very self-conscious because they didn't give me pant...didn't ask why). Anyways afterwards they put on a bed and wheeled me to the room that the surgery was going to happen in but I had to wait for a bit because they were still prepping it. While I waited the anesthetist put the tube into my arm(they used a needle. I hate needles) and finally I go in, they move me onto the operating table, everything gets hooked up, and goodnight.
Eventually I wake up exhausted at around three in the afternoon, still groggy from the drugs. I remember feeling warm and sort of sick but that soon went away when they replaced my IV fluid. Anyways I waited in recovery until about 4:30PM when I went to a house that a friend of the family was letting us(me and my mom) borrow while I recovered. I then proceeded to spend the little bit recovering from my surgery while on Codeine(personally would have preferred something like Vicodine) and antibiotics with a big splint on my nose and a ton of stitches and bandages(pretty much I was either a mummy or a messed up super-villain). Oh and you know how you've heard that having an itch under your cast will drive you nuts...well it will. Trust me, I know. Anyways we moved back into our house last Thursday because...well we had to. Someone broke into our garage and stole my grandma's and great grandma's jewelry(I'd like to see them try that when we have the hedge with barbed wire wrapped through it, gate, and security lights up) and we realized someone needs to start staying at the house. I now have the splint and some of the stitches removed though I still have a few in my head which should dissolve eventually pretty much taking it as easy as I can now while the renovating continues. The house should be finished by next week and then I can start staying in my room(though the upstairs suite that I'm staying in is really nice).
But the point is(wow you can actually just skip nearly everything I just wrote) I now have nose. It's a good nose too. It's changed the way I look(especially my profile) and the way I breathe/smell. Don't know if it's changed the way I sound. However, apparently it's not going to be 100% until a year from now because that's how long it'll take the swelling to disappear. But I'm now back on my feet and nearly back to 100% just as soon as the rest of the stitches disappear.
I think that's it....yeah that's it.
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